An Unfinished Poem
by HauntedAngel13
Summary: WARNING! spoilers for chapters 121 and anything below! Lenalee can't sleep one night, so she goes to find Lavi. LenaleeXLavi I am usually an AllenXLenalee but not today! Chapter eleven is up! R&R!
1. Sleepless Night

** Yo! to the people who love Lavi:) I got this idea as I was going to sleep so you can thank My Chemical Romance and snickers for the story. WARNING! there are possible spoilers for those of you who haven't read up to chapter 121 in the manga!!!!! I Love Lavi!**

**I Do not own DGM or Lavi or Lenalee or Allen of Komui but I do own this idea lol**

**D. Gray-man: An Unfinished Poem**

I listened as my footsteps echoed in the dark hallway. Trusting my memories of HQ to find my way through the shadows. This was the first night since we had been home that I couldn't sleep. Allen and I had recovered quickly enough but Lavi's wounds still troubled him. Komui-niichan had made a big fuss of hugging and smothering me until Lavi and Allen had convinced him that I was still alive.

I quietly sought to find the Library, hoping to find Lavi still awake. As I turned a corner, I saw Bookman sitting, pouring over a thick volume by the dim light of a candle. He looked up as I stepped into the room.

"Is Lavi-" He cut me off quickly.

"He was exhausted so I told him to catch some sleep, he might still be up though." I nodded and took his remark as a polite way of saying "go away".

Trying to be quiet, I crept toward Lavi's room. His door was cracked, letting a small stream of flickering light into the hall. I knocked quietly on the door but got no response.

"Lavi?" I whispered quite loudly. Still, no response. Pushing on the knob, the door creaked. "You still awake?" Glancing around the room, Lavi was nowhere to be seen. Books, stacks upon stacks of books covered every visible place possible, even some on his bed. Papers and pens lay strewn across the books. Two narrow paths split the sea of clutter, one lead to the bed, the other went behind the door, which couldn't be opened very far. Following the second path, I decided to see what was behind the door. Lavi sat at a desk, his head bowed and a pen still in his hand. Coming closer, I noticed that he was asleep, his hair damp with sweat and his fingers twitching ever so slightly. A cup of quickly cooling tea sat just a few inches from the edge of the desk. I wondered if I shoud let him sleep like that, he would wake up very stiff in the morning.

"Lavi," I whispered, shaking his shoulder gently. He jerked up, startling me. I took a step back and tripped over a pile of books, falling over to knock over other stacks.

"Lenalee?" he asked breathlessly. I blushed and picked myself up, peeling books and papers from my arms and legs.

"I'm really sorry about that." I was laughing now, hoping he wouldn't get mad. To my surprise, he chuckled and bent down to pick up my mess.

"Don't worry about it. Why are you here anyway?" I was almost too quick to answer his question.

"I-I just couldn't sleep and Bookman said you might still be up, so I went looking for you and you were asleep like that and..." I felt myself turning red.

"It's really alright Lenalee, I wanted to finish this anyway." He winced as he got up, steadying himself with the back of his chair. "Shit."

"Are you okay,Lavi?" I asked as he sat down again. His arm was clamped over the wound he had recived a few days ago.

"Yeah, it's already been five days since we got back," he said through gitted teeth.

"Yes, but you were unconcious or bedridden or both until just yesterday," I objected. He glared coldly at me.

"Thanks for reminding me." I blushed again, maybe I'll stay that colour forever.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Sorry? You think _I'm_ not sorry?! I've been up for two days and my entire life just sprints downhill without me!" His speech made me angry.

"Yes! Sorry! Sorry for caring! You jerk! Do you know how worried we've all been, how worried _I've_ been?! Stop wallowing in self-pity and snap out of it!" I screamed angrily. Then, I pathetically burst into tears. Lavi started laughing hysterically, the first real smile I'd seen on his face for weeks. "What's so funny?!" I sniffed, still trying to sound angry. Lavi was now laughing so hard that he doubled over and started choking.

Finally, he started to breathe less noisely, his face was pale and drawn, that smile still lingering on his lips.

"Dammit Lavi! What's so funny?!" I pounded a fist on his desk, making the cup of tea bounce onto the floor. "Shit!" I could see Lavi turning purple from holding back laughter. I picked up the cup and mopped up the tea with a rag he handed me.

"I've never seen you like that," he explained, walking slowly to sit on his bed. I could see that he was in pain and exhausted. Tears ran down my cheeks without my consent and I sat down next to him. "You sure are full of fire," he said quietly, brushing the tears from my face. His hand was cold, freezing, and I shivered. I took his hand in both of mine, trying to warm it. Why was he so pale? I yawned

"You look tired," I said. "We should bothe get some sleep." Lavi nodded and squeezed my hand. I slid off of his bed and walked to the door, then I turned. "Hey, promise me something," I asked more that said. He nodded. "Finish that poem please?" Lavi turned almost as red as his hair.

"You read that?!" I heard him yell through the closed door.

I Love that last line! you get to find out what was on the poem later on, I still have yet to write it! Chapter II coming soon!!!!!!


	2. Good Morning Panda

Chapter II (Lavi's POV)

When did she have time to read that poem? The thought echoed in my head as I woke up. I heard Gramps come in without knocking. He was moving my books, I could tell without opening my eye. The sun burst through the window as he opened the shades, blinding me as I tried to get up.

"Have you any idea what time it is?!" His voice wasn't really loud but it deafened me.

"Does it look like I'm aware of the time Panda?!" I replied without thinking. His eye twitched and he raised a hand to smack me but frowned and started walking away. Could Gramps tell when people were light-headed? 'Cause I was definatly light-headed. Rolling out of bed, I fell over as my knees gave out. Pain jolted through my chest from the sudden impact. I struggled to my feet and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for the room to stop spinning. How can you go from feeling just peachy to like you got run over by a steam-engine overnight? I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to relieve the pounding in my head. A soft knock on my door made me look up. "Come in." My voice was weak.

Lenalee poked her head into my room and smiled.

"Bookman told me you were up. Sorry I kept you up last night." She waded through the piles of books over to me.

"Gramps tends to tell you a lot lately." She was giving me a funny look. Did I have something growing on my face or what? She ignored me and pushed my hair from my face. "Is something wrong?" Her hand was cool and it felt nice.

"Um...no but you look a lot worse than last night," she was combing her fingers through my hair now, getting out the knots and smoothing it down. I poked her in the ribs and she squeaked. "What was that for?" she laughed. I grinned.

"Don't touch the hair." She smiled and shoved me backwards. "Owww..." I flopped on my back and winced as my head hit a book. Lenalee flopped down next to me and stared at the celing.

"Is that stain in the shape of a rabbit?" I looked where she was pointing.

"Yeah it kinda is...freaky." She laughed and I got up, moving over to my closet to find a clean shirt, I had slept in my clothes. I tugged a loose white t-shirt off a hanger and threw it on a pile of books. Shrugging off my jacket, I tried to avoid raising my arms above my head, that tended to hurt pretty bad. "Hey Lenalee, could you help me with this?" I turned and gestured to the shirt that was stuck halfway on my head. I heard her giggle and walk over to me. She gently traced the line of stitches on my chest and then pulled my shirt the rest of the way off. "That's gonna be one hell of a scar huh?" She blushed and threw my other shirt at me. "Where's Allen anyway?" My voice was muffled by cotton.

"He's literally eating everthing." Lenalee pulled the clean shirt down on my shoulders and flicked my nose. "You should take lessons from him, I've hardly seen you eat a thing." I grimaced.

"That's because Allen's already eaten everthing possible." She frowned and thrust a boot at me.

"Come on, we're going into town today! You can eat something there." I started to protest but she was leaving. "Hurry up or we'll leave without you!" I pulled on my boots and slid into a different jacket. I hobbled down the hall after Lenalee, trying to catch up.

"Lenalee! I can't go out like this!" I finally had a point. She turned and took my arm suppourtively.

"Oh..." She looked a bit like a cat dunked in water. "Then we can go when you're feeling better!" I gave her a half smile and straightened. "Let's go find Allen, I for one need lunch even if you don't." She led the way, my arm still locked in hers.

Gramps ran into us as we made our way through one of the corridors.

"Oh, so your up. You should get your injuries looked at soon, come with me." I sighed, and told Lenalee that I'd meet her in the cafeteria.

"It's alright, I'll come too. You're not the only one who got hurt ya know." She was making up excuses, Heaven knows why. Gramps led us into a clean white(ish) room and had me sit down. I once again shrugged off my jacket and Lenalee helped me pull off my shirt. "You really should eat more, you're really pale," she observed. I shot her what I hoped was a _look_. She stuck her tounge out at me and Gramps told us to cut it out. Panda took the bandage off of my arm and Lenalee did a sort of half gasp half choke. It was fairly gruesome to look at, burned and cut in various places.

What happened next I don't really know, Gramps touched my arm and I passed out.


	3. Eclipse

Sorry for no Authoress note last chapter! I love the part when Lavi pokes Lenalee! lol Heres Chapter Three!

Chapter III (Lenalee's POV)

Lavi seemed to shudder as Bookman touched his injured arm and then his eye rolled up and he fainted. I helped get him on the floor and raise his feet up but this seemed wrong. He was fine earlier, Wasn't he? I felt his face, it was hot and flushed, his hands still cold as ice. This was probably my fault, I made him over do it. Unexpected tears dripped onto his chest and Bookman looked up at me.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm not helping am I?" He didn't answer my question which suited me fine.

"Would you see if there's a cold cloth in here please?" I nodded and unwillingly left Lavi with Bookman. I searched some drawers and found a washcloth. Running some cold water over it, I wrung it out until it didn't drip anymore.

"Here..." Bookman gestured to Lavi's forehead while sticking some needles in Lavi's good shoulder. I think I twitched but I looked away and placed the cloth on his face. Unconciously, my fingers wove their way through his fiery hair.

About five minutes and seventeen needles later, Lavi's eye flickered open. He sighed and closed it again, the green orb disappearing.

"How long have I been out?" His voice was barely a whisper. I tried to hold back more tears but failed and they spattered on his face. He blinked and lifted his good arm to wipe them away.

"Just five minutes." Lavi frowned and looked at Bookman.

"What happened Gramps?" He still hadn't found his voice. I put my hands on his shoulder as he sat up, they came away, slick with sweat. Bookman told Lavi to be quiet and to let him look at his arm. "My arm's fine and you know it Gramps! What happened?!" Both bookmen glared at each other.

"To tell you the truth, I have no idea..." That reply frightened me. "Lenalee, take him back to his room, I need to talk to your brother," he finished. Without waiting for me to say anything, he left. I felt a lump rising in my throat and choked back the sobs.

"C'mon, let's leave." Lavi struggled to his feet and took my hand. I just remembered to grab his jacket and shirt as we swept out of the room.

"Slow down Lavi! You're gonna pass out again." He looked at me, faintly resembling an eclipse of the Sun, his face dark and fringed by his red hair. And yet there must have been two Suns because I could see that his face was still as pale as the full moon on a starless night. "Please, don't hurt yourself." His grip on my hand tightened and he slowed to a much more appropriate pace.

We reached his room and he sat down hard on the bed. Lavi leaned forward, his hair covering his face, his hands in between his legs.

"You okay?" His nod was barely visible. I sat next to him and draped his jacket over his shouders. He did _not _look okay. "Really?" I touched his forehead, it was still hot. He took my hand and pressed it back against his forehead.

"I hate this." I could barely hear him. After my confused silence he answered my unsaid question. "Feeling like shit." He laid back, his legs still hanging off the bed. I got up and went to open his window, trying to avoid the maze of books. A cool breeze drifted into the room and I walked carefully back to sit beside him.

"Will you obe okay if I go find Allen?" Lavi looked at me blankly.

"Yeeaahh." It was hard to understand him through the yawn.

I'm still working on chapter IV so be patient! I know these chapters ore short! .'


	4. sleep, braids, and needles

Woot! chapter four!!!!!!! sorry its a bit short but when you read it you'll understand why. yay! reviews!

Chapter IV (Lavi's POV)

After Lenalee left, I felt as though she had taken all of my strength with her. I wished she hadn't gone. The room grew dark as it started to storm and I wanted it to rain forever. The sound of senseless, redundant pattering on the roof. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, Lenalee was shaking my shoulder, Allen standing beside her.

"Lavi?" She looked worried. "Thank God, you've been asleep for hours." I blinked and looked at the clock, nine.

"I'll go find Bookman." Allen sounded akward. Lenalee messed with my hair, it was becoming a habit of hers. She sat beside me and I leaned back against the headboard. Her hands found my headband and she pulled it off.

"Hey..." I stopped as she shushed me. "What are you doing?" She laughed and dangled a small red braid in my face. "Why?" I asked.

"Because there's nothing else to do. Besides, it's not like I can braid my own hair anymore!" I couldn't tell if she was angry or joking. "Now shut up and get some more rest."

"Lenalee, I just slept for eleven hours." She ignored me and got up. I got up after her. "Where are you going? I thought Allen went to go get Gramps?" She turned arouind and I saw the tears in her eyes. "Lenalee?" She ran to me and flung her arms around my neck, it hurt. "What's wrong Lenalee?" She shook her head into my shoulder.

"Promise me you'll get better." She whispered. "Promise!" Desperation laced her voice.

"Yes, I promise, I'll get better. Now will you let go? That hurts." I took her hands from my neck and held them. "What's wrong?" Lenalee just shook her head again, more water works flowing from her eyes.

"I can't lose you too, we already lost Kanda and Kroly, I can't lose you too." Her head leaned on my chest, bumping my stitches.

"Ah! Don't..." My vision got blurry and I steadied myself with her shoulder. God, it was hot! I felt as though I was suffocating. Lenalee said something but I couldn't hear her. 'Just let me sit for a moment' I tried to say, but my voice was gone. The world was quiet and noisey at the same time, my head felt as though someone had tried to drive a burning stake in it. Sharp hot pain glanced through me like lightning. Lights glittered in my eyes, blocking out Lenalee and the rest of the room. I could tell she was yelling, but her voice didn't reach my ears. It hurt just to breathe and I wanted the darkness to come and take away the pain. I felt Gramps' hand on my arm, trying to get me on the floor. The smooth stone was cold and welcoming. I tried to speak but my mouth was thick and dry. Lenalee was crying again, her tears falling on my arm, her hand tight on mine. I tried to squeeze hers, to say it was going to be okay, but I didn't know anymore. Allen's astonished tones mixed in with the other jumbled sounds. Gramps was probably making me a human pin-cusion but I was numb, blackness consuming everything.

see why it's short? its kinda hard to write from an unconcious person's point of view lol! working on chapter five now! no updates until I get some more reviews.


	5. Five Months

Chapter V (Lenalee's POV)

I instinctively grabbed Lavi's hand as Bookman wrestled him to the floor. His face was ashen, his lips moving, forming uninteligable words.

"Lavi?!" I wondered if he could hear me. It seemed he could, because his hand tightened on mine. I repeated his name until I couldn't speak, and yet the room was filled with silence. I felt Allen tak hold of my shoulders, trying to make me give Bookman some room to work. Later, I would look back at this and find Allen's choice very rational, but at the time, I found leaving Lavi's side extremly irrational.

Finally, I let Allen pull me into the refuge of his arms. Nii-san walked in and I hoped the look of shock on his face was for Lavi and not me. Bookman said something and gestured from Allen to my brother and then to Lavi. Allen let me go and I scrabbled to find Lavi's hand again. His green eye opened halfway, slightly dull.

"I'm alright..." he whispered, breaking the silence that had consumed me. Had I any tears left to cry, there would be eight seas instead of seven. Wincing, he propped himself up on his elbow. Regaurdless of my brother, I flung my arms around his shoulders, sobbing dryly. Lavi cupped his free hand on my cheek, brushing at my dreadfully short hair. That moment lasted forever but was broken too soon by my brother. Maybe he thought we were falling deeply in love by staring into each other's eye/eyes, then again, maybe we were.

"Shall we get Lavi to the medical ward now?" My brother's voice was cold. Reluctantly, I peeled myself off of Lavi's bare chest, blushing once again. Allen held out his hand and hauled Lavi to his feet, suppourting him without much effort. A loud clap of thunder made me leap to my feet. Lavi gave me a crooked smile that made my heart break. Lord! He didn't even make a rude/sarcastic/still funny remark about my jumpyness. Bookman gave us both harsh looks and led the way out of the room.

The medical ward was crisp and clean, with doctors and nurses milling about the few patients. I looked over at Lavi who was still suppourted by Allen. The short walk must have taken it out of him, he looked dead on his feet.

"Does _anyone_ know what's wrong with me?" Even his voice sounded tired. "Because I sure would like to know." His legs were shakey and he looked about to colapse, but Bookman ignored him. "Gramps! Would it kill me to know?! I can see that you already know, so why won't you just tell me?!" Bookman whirled around to face Lavi.

"Do you really want to know what's wrong with you Boy?" he hissed. I saw a look of surprise flash across Lavi's face. "I'll tell you. There's a fragment of Road's dream knife in your heart and it's eating away your body and soul from the inside out. We could do surgery to remove the fragment but the chances of you making it through the operation are not for the best nor even the slightly good." I looked back at Lavi, his face was a mask of indifference. Allen caught my eyes and I could tell by the look on his face that he had known as well.

"And when were you planning on telling me this?" Lavi's voice contained no anger, only sarcastic curiosity. "I suppose the others knew this too?" I shook my head, he needed to believe me, he wasn't the only one. A yelp escaped my mouth as Lavi stepped away from Allen, walking smoothly to stand beside me. "Out of all of you whom I have known for so long, you mean to tell me that Lenalee and I were the only non-confidants?" He sounded angry now. He steadied himself on my shoulder, the coldness of his hand seeping through my blouse. Nii-san exited the room oh so elegantly and Allen mumbled something about duties and Generals. Left alone with Lavi and Bookman, I felt akward. I shivered and Lavi took his hand off of my shoulder apologetically. "And I wasn't told because...?" Bookman didn't look the slightest bit guilty.

"We needed to know how it would affect you before we tried anything. There is no sense in risking your life for no reason." Bookman stated while making Lavi sit on a bed. "But now it seems that you only have five months if you don't go through the operation." He left us wide-eyed and staring at his back as he calmly walked out the door.


	6. Myself' and Allen

Yo! sorry about my absence in chapter five, I keep forgetting to put in notes XD. This is probably my longest chapter yet thanks to my sis, KaitoAngel. You'll see why later.

Chapter VI (Lavi's POV)

Five months? Five months of what? A terrible weight settled on my shoulders and added to my exhaustion. Just five months... I looked at Lenalee. There was sorrow in her eyes that I just couldn't stand. I tried to smile, for her if not for myself.

"It's gonna be alright, I'll make through the surgery." My voice held confidance that didn't exist. She tried to smile back but ended up squeezing the five months of life out of me. "Ouch..." Lenalee backed off when she realized she was hurting me. I didn't want her to worry about me right now. All I wanted was to make her happy and take my mind off of my expiration date. I desperatly needed to make her happy. I could go with her to find Allen, Allen always made Lenalee happy. Then again, he had seemed a bit akward the last time he saw me with Lenalee. I could finish the poem for her but I didn't want to write it in front of her. Appearently I had been lost in thought for awhile because Lenalee griped my hand. She looked a bit happier when I squeezed her shoulders so I pulled her closer to me and stroked her silky short hair. I felt her sigh and she gently took my hand from her shoulders.

"I should let you rest..." She got up and turned to leave but I interupted her.

"I'd like it if you stayed." To tell the truth, I was tired but I didn't want to be alone right now. She must have heard something other than what I said because she was crying again. "Did I do something?" I was truly lost as to the reason for her tears. Her head shook slowly as she walked back to me.

"You didn't do anything." Her voice trembled as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "It's just...I'll stay." I wanted to hold her, but everything was heavy. I could hardly keep my vision focused on her face. Barely aware of what I was doing, I pulled off my boots and laid back. The room smelled like antiseptic and I almost gagged as the potent fumes became overpowering. My last thought before drifting off was 'How come I didn't notice that before?'.

It must have been late when I woke up because Lenalee was asleep in a chair beside my bed. She stirred as I sat up, rubbing her eyes. She looked worried again.

"You're up already?" I wondered how long it really had been. "How do you feel?" I almost laughed.

"Like I have five months to live." Lenalee glared at me.Then she mumbled something that I couldn't hear. "What?" My voice sounded loud in the quiet room. She met my gaze, tears in her eyes. She was going to dehydrate if she kept crying like that.

"Please don't say that again. Sometimes I just can't stand men." I wondered if I was so ignorant. "How can you not care about your life?!" I did care, I just didn't think that I was going to just lay down and die. "And then you tell me "I'll make it through the surgery" when it could so easily take you away from all of us. If you really are bent on going through with it, please wait a bit longer." From somewhere, I managed to pull out a grin.

"Gee, that's sounds a bit selfish. Wanna hang around with me a bit longer huh?" Oops, she got mad at that.

"Ahg! You are such an idiot! Don't you get it?! Lavi, I love you. I don't want you to die or even go somewhere else, just stay with me." Her boldness and remark stunned me into silence. "Just hold me and say that you love me too." I couldn't think of anything to say. She had just told me everything that I needed to hear. Someone needed me, after all I had done in my life, no one had ever actually needed me. Lenalee...she wrapped my arms around her. "Please." She was cold beneath her thin shirt. So I stood there and held her, a small piece of comfort in life's stormy sea.

"I love you," I whispered into her ear. Lenalee leaned back against me. "I love you," I whispered into her short hair. "I love you," I whispered into the back of her neck.

"You're not just saying it are you?" No, I really did mean it. "I don't care, say it again." I meant it. I didn't need to say it again, I needed to make her believe in me. She turned in my arms to face me. Reaching up, she stroked the side of my face, her fingers dancing around my hidden right eye. "Tell me who you really are." How could she ask that of me? Why couldn't I answer her that? Who was I really? 'A bookman has no need for a heart' did that mean I had no need for my own identity as well? Did I know who I was anymore? Why couldn't I...why couldn't I find myself in this maze of feelings? Did I know myself well enough to find 'me'? This confusion was all too familiar and it hurt. All I was had always been 'me' or 'Lavi' but was that really me? Was I suddenly allowed to feel because of death's sudden seemingly inevitability? Where did I put the masks that I had worn when I first came here? Why had I placed myself above my humanity? Why was I feeling this regret that was supposed to be for others? I ached to know why, why everything was crumbling down around me. 'We are on the Order's side by chance' 'Don't get caught up in the war' was I an exorcist only so that I could stand by and watch? Did I have the resolve to change my mind from becoming all that I had ever known?

This was all too much, Lenalee, conflicting emotions, resurected memories, only one that I didn't regret. I loved her but she didn't believe me, was that good enough for her? I loved everything about her, her smile, her compassion, her determination, the way that she always made me feel unbalanced. But what was it that was stopping me from finding myself so that she might know who I really am? In the past there had been forty-eight other 'me', I was the forty-ninth, so what was different? Why was being 'me' the hardest? The worst question was; did she love 'me' or what was hidden?

Chapter VI part II (Allen's POV) This part was written by my sis and kinda co-authored by me. Look! Allen's actually in the story! What does he think of what's going on between Lavi and Lenalee? P.S. my sis changed Lenalee's name to Lenali.

I sat down heavily on my rumpled bedclothes. The realization hit me then, She loves _him_. For a moment I didn't trust myself to think rationally. I felt the jealousy well inside my broken mind. Why? I asked myself. Had I done something wrong? Or had it been like this from the beginning? I clenched my right hand and shoved it hard into my knee to stop myself from going back there. This is what she wanted, I wouldn't take that away from here. No, I didn't want that. I felt hot tears drip from my face to travel down my crisp white shirt. It had been so long since I had last cried, at first I wasn't sure how to react to such a display of emotion. I couldn't get the scene of her with him out of my mind and I thought for a moment how great it would be to just spontaneously explode. Then again, it felt quite like that. Should I tell her? Would she forgive me for feeling this way. And then it struck me, was this how Lavi had felt?! I thought about it for a moment, it was quite possible that he had possesed the same jealousy that was slowly consuming me. I wanted to scream out in rage and confusion. Had I been that blind the whole time? Or did she suddenly change into someone I didn't know? Maybe I should just ask her these things...would she answer them or get angry with me? I stood up, feeling quite like a useless sop. Sulking wasn't going to help things, even if it did feel a bit better. My biggest problem was; could I face her? Could I face her without telling her everything, could I face her without breaking down. Walking to my door I grabbed my jacket and slipped it on. It helped a bit, it's comforting weight on my back. I walked fast, my eyes were still a bit uncontrolled. I hoped no one would see me like this, how would I expalin to them? Walking through the foyer, I ran into Komui. Oh SHIT! I couldn't think of a worse person to fall upon. I tried striding quickly past him, but he caught my arm.

"Allen? Is something wrong?" He sounded generally concerned. I shook my head not trusting my voice. I pulled out of his grasp and headed toward the main doors. "Allen!" I really hoped he wouldn't follow me.

I took a deep breath of the crisp night air, thankful that her brother hadn't pursued the matter further. I needed someplace to sort out my thoughts and The Order wasn't going to help. Wandering down the empty streets, I realized how alone I felt without her. I couldn't get my thoughts straight, I need to talk to her...let her know. And I hoped to God that it wouldn't involve shouting or anything arguementive. If I wasn't careful I'd end up talking to her back. Did I need to be strategic or would she listen to me? I started to turn back, no, she was with Lavi when I left her. She would need her time with him. I got very angry with myself in that moment for the words "didn't make it through the surgery" crossed my thoughts. I didn't need to be like that, it wasn't me. Sometimes I really scared myself. I couldn't even believe I thought that. Lavi was a good friend, definately not one I would wish death upon just because Lenali liked him and not me. OH WHY?! I looked up into the starry heavens, automatically I sought out Polaris. I allowed myself to get lost in the dark indigo mass that was above me. I needed a moment to cool down. Feeling burned out I turned back to HeadQuarters and started planning how to talk to Lenali.

I crept around the bend in the hall, it was late and I really didn't want to wake anyone up. I supposed though that Lenali would be awake. As I came closer to Lavi's room I could see I had guessed right. They were talking, still. Lenali in Lavi's arms. I wouldn't interrupt, but as I walked by, Lenali saw me. for a moment I thought she was going to come over, but she simply mouthed the words; Sorry, later. I felt my hopes crash a bit. Although I was glad she noticed something. All I wanted now was sleep, for once I noticed that I wasn't hungry, even though I hadn't eaten since this morning. Exhausted I dragged myself into my room and fell onto the bed.

When I woke up, it was late morining, the sun was covered by thin gray cloudcover. I can't say I felt much different than I had last night. It was pathetic, or at least I felt it was pathetic. I pulled off my rumpled clothes and changed into a fresh outfit. I paused at the door, not sure if I was ready to face Lenali. A voice in my head made me push the door open and head down to her room. I hoped to God that she had slept in her room. I knew they wouldn't share a bed or anything, but the thought felt like a physical kick in my stomach. Pushing these thoughts from my mind, I continued to her door, was it a good thing or a bad thing that it was closed? I wondered if it was alright to wake her. Without my consent, my hand rose to knock. To my surprise though, the door opened, Lenali stood there.

"Allen," She didn't seem to shocked, why would she? I let my hand drop back to my side.

"Lenali I-" I didn't know how to say it, how could I tell her how much she was hurting me. She gave me a heartfelt smile, for a moment I thought I would cry in fustration. "I don't know how to tell you, but I feel really confused." I thought for a second that she would get mad at me for starting this way, "Yesterday, you a-and Lavi. Was it wrong of me to think that you loved me?" I slammed my fist into the doorway, not to scare her. I wasn't mad at _her _I was mad at myself. Mad at myself for thinking this way.

"Allen, I'm so sorry. I feel terrible about it, and yes I did love you. But Allen, people change!" Was she talking about me or herself? "Really, I am sorry." She pushed past me, heading towards Lavi's room. I felt sick. I watched her walk aways until it hurt to see her. I turned back to my room, fully knowing I could stop all this just by talking to Komui. But I wasn't that type of person, I already felt I had taken her time with him.

Well, thats it for now, I might take awhile with the next chapter cuz I'm writing on fictionpress as well and I need to finish that chapter, check it out if you like its titled "Masquerade" my pen name has stayed the same though. Please review!!!!!!


	7. Disbelief and angst

My my, this is fairly long for me, especially writing for Lenalee, hope you like it! I'm already working on chapter eight so it should be up soon.

Chapter VII (Lenalee's POV)

I knew I was hurting Allen, and yet I didn't think I could stop. No matter how hard I tried, the same resolution came about, I loved Lavi and that was all that there was to it. If Allen couldn't understand that or take it reasonably, there was nothing that I could do to stop him. Why was it that I had choosen such a hard path? I knew that Allen could've protected me, from danger, from pain. But Lavi held something more for me, what exactly that was, I wasn't certain. In any case, I was sure that Lavi wasn't going to wait for me very long. Perhaps I should have talked more to Allen, I might need to lean on him for awhile. A knock on my door aroused me from my thoughts.

"Come in," I stuttered, startled. I almost jumped five feet when Lavi stepped in. He grinned crookedly and I threw a glare at him. "Bookman is going to kill you if he finds you up and about." The red haired exorcist's face turned solemn.

"He already knows where I am." As soon as he said that I knew what he was doing. There was absolutley no way that Bookman would let him in here without a good reason. "Oh please don't start that. I came here so you wouldn't do that." He had seen the tears in my eyes. I thought that I would never be happy again.

"I thought you were going to wait!" Lavi stepped closer to me. He was visibly upset, though wether it was my tears or what he was going through, I couldn't tell. "At least tell me why." I was horrified that he was going through with this. "Why?" At first I thought he wouldn't answer. He was standing akwardly, as if deciding what to do. I heard him sigh loudly and he hugged me as a response. I was so surprised that I couldn't even react. He rested his forehead on my shoulder as though he were tired.

"It's getting harder for me to activate my Innocence, if I don't get it over with soon, I won't be an exorcist anymore. This place is as close to a home as I've ever had, I can't loose that." My mind finally caught up with the situation. I felt as though my heart would break, I could not help him anymore, only give him company. I would do anything to keep Dark Boots, even risk my life like he was going to do, so why would I expect him to do any different? Doubt clouded my mind and filled my mouth with unspoken worries. Lavi seemed to sense my tension and he straightened. "Stop furrowing your brow like that, you'll get wrinkles." I could have slapped him for joking at a time like this. Sadly he sensed that too and took my hands in his own. I gasped as I noticed how hot they were, contrasting starkly from the time when they had been so cold. Ever so carefully, I resisted the urge to jerk away. His temperature must have been well over a hundred, too high for anyone but him or Allen to up. He stiffened as I pushed him into a chair, but relented as soon as I peeled off his headband. Both the band and his face were slick with sweat, he hadn't looked this bad when he had first come in. He must have been up too long.

"How long have you been up?" He gave me a wary glance. "Walking around, not awake." I knew he could tell what I was getting at, a guilty look crossed his face. He swallowed thickly before answering.

"Just over an hour." I hoped for once that he was joking. He had been walking around like this for an _hour_?! I searched his face for the truth but it stared back at me with a hollow green eye. "Don't worry, I've been fine all day." He was lying now, he wouldn't look at me either. He hardly seemed to be listening to me when I spoke.

"Don't play 'tough guy', your exhausted." He gave me his crooked smile without opening his eyes. "It's not as though I need to be a doctor to know when there's something wrong." The smile faded and he looked at me again.

"Touchy and I didn't even poke a finger in your general direction." His outlook on the situation hadn't changed. I wished he would point a finger at me, that way I could bite it off. Lavi's face changed when he saw me seething. "Is something wrong _doctor_?" I hated it when he played off of my own words.

"Just because you're sick doesn't mean I won't slap you." He winced and I knew I had gotten through to him.

"Ouch, now I know something's amiss when you threaten voilence." Please don't let him be serious. "I'm sorry to have worried you. I have to do this though." He seemed to add the last part as an afterthought. I felt like I was beginning to feel metaphorecally dizzy with my moods changing so quickly. First it's 'slap him' now it's 'hug the life out of him' although the second one might have been closer to 'kiss him before it's too late'. I think he read my mind. "Not until I'm better." Damn his perceptive skills. I placed a hand on his forehead instead, pretending to ignore his remark. He shivered. "Stop, you're cold." A soft moan escaped his lips and he tried to pull my hand away. I didn't give way, he needed to have something cold on his face, he was getting flushed. "Dammit Lenalee, stop, you're making me cold." My resolved hardened as he cursed, when that happened then he really wasn't well. (Although 'Shit' always seemed to be his favourite word)

"Lavi, you're burning up! You should't have even been up for ten minutes, much less an hour!" I wanted to crawl into his arms and be comforted but he was the one who needed help. "I'll get Bookman down here." He flinched.

"Don't, just let me sit for a bit." He was probably right, the last thing he needed was to be moving around. I watched his face as he closed his eye. His face was unbarebly pale and it looked like he was having trouble breathing. I pulled my hand off and he tensed up. "On or off, pick one or..." I waited him to finish the threat but it never came. "Good Lord, my head hurts," he muttered. Was he talking to himself or me? He seemed to have given up on sharp comebacks. A shaky hand rubbed at the back of his neck and I pulled it away.

"Here, lean forward." He seemed confused although I though that my gesture was pretty obvious. In any case, he did as I asked. He moaned again, gripping the arms of the chair so he wouldn't fall. He seemed to think about shaking his head to clear the dizzyness but thought better of it. "Sorry, didn't think of that." I thought I heard him mutter a sarcastic 'obviously' but he didn't look like he was still in the mood to say that.

Lavi shuddered as I settled my hands on his shoulders. Was I that cold? He certainly had not cooled off. I finally felt him relax a bit as I rubbed at the knots in the muscles along his neck. His hands fell into his lap and I brushed his hair from his face.

"Don't go to sleep or I won't know what to do with you." I sounded nervous although it was more a feeling of despair. He took my right hand and pressed it back to his forehead.

"I won't." I wanted to hear laughter in his voice but there was none. I had never seen him so washed out, drained of emotion as well as strength. I wished that I could lend him some of mine but that was impossible even by exorcist standards. "I shouldn't stay here too long." Why was this turning out like Romeo and Juliet? We loved each other and yet it seemed we couldn't be. He sat up slowly, my hand still trapped.

"I'm not sure you should get up yet." There was a spark of amusement in his eyes.

"Selfish once again, you should get into the habbit of sharing. Now's as good a time as any." He dropped my hand as he rose. I saw him grimace.

"Hey, are you okay?" It was a needless question, he wasn't fine. I frowned as he smiled.

"Just peachy." He winced again and leaned on the conveniently close wall.

Well it's not really a cliffie, but it was a good place to stop. Click the box that says 'review' you would if it was big and red, do it you know you want to...


	8. What else could go wrong?

Yay! chapter eight!!! and chapter 124 is finally out! took long enough!

Chapter VIII (Lavi's POV)

My vision swam and I thought my head would split if this kept up. Lenalee seemed more concerned now then she'd been earlier. I shut my eye and waited for the room to stop it's merry-go-round phase. I felt a cold hand creep into mine. Lenalee...I should say something, tell her that I'm okay. I wasn't though, and she knew that well enough by now. I really should say something, the silence was pouring into my ears, crashing about inside my already throbbing head.

"Lavi?" Her voice was questioning but not invasive. "Sit back down, you might..." Pass out, I finished the remark in my mind. "Please," she whispered. I could feel her next to me, pulling slightly at my arm. I knew I would hurt her if I flat out refused but I should've been back by now. I was never so happy to see Gramps rescuing me from an akward 'sayonara'. "Wait," she sounded desperate, surprisingly, Gramps let me pause and turn to her. "If you die, I'll kill you!" She was trying to sound angry but there were tears racing down her face. I forced my voice from it's hiding place.

"I'll be fine." I wished I was as confident as I sounded. To tell the truth, I was scared out of my wits if I had enough wits about me to be scared out of. Lenalee absently handed me my headband. The worn cloth was so familliar that I hadn't noticed it was getting frayed. She gave me a wet hug, more like a death grip, and we both refused to say 'goodbye'.

Walking down the hall was almost a relief. The open atmosphere did a bit to clear my head. But suddenly I saw the brick wall that had been rushing towards me stealthily for the past thirty minutes. I was almost blinded by the pain that stabbed my chest. It hurt, was beyond the meaning of 'hurt', I wanted to die. I had been careless. I stumbled but thankfully did not fall. It would have been nice to lay down but I couldn't do that here. The railing I grabbed for suppourt seemed to bend and swerve away from me as I tried to keep my vision focoused on Gramps who was a few paces ahead.

"Shit..." I was hardly aware that the word escaped my lips. Gramps turned around quickly, just watching him made me feel sick. "Don't do...that." I wondered if he could even hear me. His generally indifferent features were creased by a frown, he almost looked worried. Even when I closed my eye, the world spun crazily. I heard Gramps say something, it might have been directed at me, but I couldn't make out the words. A slender arm wrapped around my waist, slinging my own arm around cold shoulders. "Lenalee?" The air was thick and I struggled for breath. The pain had not dulled and it was draining what little strength I had left. My hands and legs were numb, I couldn't tell if we were moving. I knew I had been risking this with being up so long, but I couldn't sit and do nothing all day.

"Lavi?" It was the first word I was able to make out. I looked at Lenalee and she jumped. "Lavi, sit down." Finally I noticed that we were in the medical ward. I had never been so relieved to be off of my feet. My fingers fumbled with the catches on my boots and another pair of hands brushed them away. I cradled my head in my hands, trying to stop the pounding behind my eyes. (yes folks, I believe he has two eyes)

"Thanks," I mumbled as Lenalee pulled off my boots. I tried to quiet my breathing but ended up gasping. "Unnnh." Gramps' steady hands lifted my face. I blinked as he waved a bright light in front of me. "Ow...stop."

"Stop blinking, I'm trying to see your eye dilate." He pried open my eye and waved the light again. I waited for a conclusion but he didn't say anything. Was that good or bad? I hated everyone hovering like this.

"I'm fine, I just want to sleep!" I snapped hoping I sounded angry. "Just leave me alone." I laid down and turned my back to them. I guess it didn't help when I started coughing.

"Lavi!" Lenalee was yelling at me, pulling me up so I wouldn't choke. Every time I coughed, I thought my head would explode from sheer pressure. "Breathe dammit!" I tried to suck in air between spells but my lungs didn't work. I tasted copper in my mouth, blood. "Bookman!" She sounded so distrtested, I wanted to calm her but I could hardly see her. Scarlet pools dripped into my palm. Someone used a towel to wipe away the blood from my chin and hand.

When the coughing subsided Gramps ushered Lenalee out of the room. I felt as though I'd been encased in lead and drowned. Everything was heavy, even the air. Gramps was filling a syringe with something that I hoped was painkiller.

"What's that?" My voice was wavering. He gave me a look that meant 'don't talk'. "Fine, I won't ask." I felt my consciousness seeping away. A small jab of pain hit my left shoulder. "I really would like to know what that is." He still didn't say anything. I wearily closed my eye, I wanted to sleep. "We can get it done today right?" I could tell he was fed up with my questions. "Or right now, it doesn't matter to me." I heard him take a deep breath and wished I could do the same.

"Stop talking before you start coughing again." Ouch, that hurt. "I just gave you something to help you sleep." Was that code for 'painkiller'?

"Are you gonna do this or not Gramps?!" Whatever he gave me was working, I was so tired.

"I'm not operating on you when your like this. Just wait a bit." I barely heard his answer. "Stop fighting it and go to sleep."

"Why couldn't Lenalee stay?" He huffed again. What? I just wanted to know.

"Because you wouldn't sleep if she was in here."

"Unless she threatened me, which she already did twice today." I argued. It felt like I was wading through waist high mud just trying to stay awake. "Let her back in, she's still outside the door." Had he heard me? I hadn't. Luckily my hearing must have disappeared again because Lenalee was holding my hand. "Hey, what's new?"

"Hush..." Her cold fingers stroked the side of my face, moving in slow circles.

"I love you, ya know?" She needed to believe me this time. Her fingers hesitated.

"Yes, I know. I love you too, now shut up and go to sleep." I would have laughed but I was afraid to start coughing again. I hoped she kept her hands on my forehead, they felt so nice. The throbbing in my head faded slightly for a moment but came back in double.

"Ow..." Lenalee drew back.

"What's wrong?" I felt for her hand without opening my eye. I didn't want to answer, it hurt to talk. I pressed her ever icy fingers back on my forehead. "Geez you're warm. What was your temp this morning?" How could she expect me to remember that? I mean I remembered alot of things but I didn't even take my temperature this morning.

"Too high I suppose." She sighed and peeled my hand off of hers. I heard her stand up. "Where are you going?"

"Hush! I'm just getting a washcloth so you don't need to use my hands." I struggled to stay awake, it was harder than I thought. Darkness ate at the edges of my mind and I wanted to give in.

Whooo! two chapters in a day(ish) look people! dialogue!!!!!!!

Readers: Finally!

Me: Well it's not like Lavi's able to talk half the time anyway.

Readers: T.T

Me: I'll make him better if you review (I'll make him better any way) is such a sucker for cliche


	9. What did go wrong next

Chapter IX (Lenalee's POV)

I returned with cloth in hand only to find Lavi asleep. That figured, although it was a good thing, I wasn't very happy that I couldn't talk to him a bit longer. I wiped the sweat from his face and placed the cold cloth on his brow. His eye flickered as if he were dreaming and I thought I had woken him. To my relief, he stayed peaceful. He was so pale that if not for the gray(ish) colour that tinted his features, he would've matched the linen bedspread. It felt weird watching him sleep as I'd only seen him like that once before (Chapter I). There was a purple sheen beginning to form under his eye and I wondered how often he actually slept. I settled in a chair beside him and rubbed his hand. When he still didn't wake, I held it and made little circles on his palm. It was a bit rough, from fighting I suppose, but damp with sweat. I still wanted to know what his temperature was but I didn't want to wake him up.

"Lenalee?" Nii-san had walked in without my notice. "I heard he caused quite a racket earlier." I hope he saw the look I gave him.

"Shh..."I pointed at Lavi and my brother nodded. "The idiot was walking around for an hour." I whispered. "He came in to tell me...well he just wanted to say that..."I couldn't tell him that Lavi had come to say 'goodbye' had it been needed. "Have you seen Allen around?" I changed the subject. "I didn't see him in the cafeteria this morning and I found that a bit odd." He shook his head. "Oh...well if you see him, tell him I want to talk." Komui gave me a stern look and finally nodded again.

"I'll tell him." He whispered. I hoped Allen wasn't really mad at me. I still wanted him as a friend but was that being selfish? After all, I had loved him and I suppose he loved me as well, maybe he still did. There had been hurt in his eyes when he had come to talk to me. I was glad he had at least done that. "Ja." Nii-san left with a wave. I turned back to Lavi, he was awake.

"Eep!" I jumped and a faint smile worked its way to his eye. "I thought you were still asleep." He closed his eye and muttered something. "Huh?"

"Please be quiet, my head still hurts." He said without opening his eye. I gave him a look of sympathy that was wasted on account of his non-open eye. His hand peeled the cloth from his forehead.

"Hey..." He needed to keep that on. "Don't..."

"It's hot." Lavi explained. I took the cloth from him. "What did Komui want?" He was losing his voice. I shrugged and went to go wet the cloth again. When I turned back to him, he was sitting up, rubbing his temples.

"You okay?" I knew he really wasn't but I wanted an answer. He looked at me sleepily.

"No." That worried me, usually he said 'yes' even when he was lying. "I think I'm going to be sick." For some reason, I thought that was funny.

"Well don't do it all over the bed." He pulled a face and got up. "Hey! What...?" Cloth forgotten, I grabbed his arm as he swayed. He shook me off and turned into the bathroom. I heard him gag. "Whoa! Easy..." I pulled his hair from his face. "You gonna be alright?" He nodded wordlessly.

He stayed there for awhile, coughing but unable to bring anything up. A substance that could not be classified as 'vomit' and some blood were all that he spit out.

"What was the last thing you ate?" Lavi shook his head slowly.

"I don't know, it was awhile ago." Okay people, when Lavi starts forgetting things, then I know something is terribly wrong. His hands were shaking as he stood up.

"Did you even eat at all today?" His eye shied away from my face guiltily. "Yesterday is more than 'awhile ago'." I sighed and pulled him out of the small room. His face shone with sweat, he must be roasting in that jacket. "Why don't you take off your jacket?" He grinned slightly.

" 'Cause I like it." I almost smacked my forehead but settled for giving him an exasperated look. "It gets too cold if I take it off." Oh, that made sense, I think. I frowned. "Could you go find Gramps for me? He might have something to help my head pounding like this." The remark caught me off guard. He must have been miserable for him to ask me to find Bookman. Lavi sat down on the bed, he looked tired.

"Just don't do anything stupid while I'm gone." I knew they were classic words but I felt the need to say them. He nodded wearily. I turned to leave when, low and behold, Bookman came striding in. "Bookman! I was just-" He cut me off.

"I need to talk to Lavi alone." His tone was icy. "Miss Lena, if you would please excuse yourself." It wasn't like I wouldn't leave if he just asked, he didn't have to order me around. I opened my mouth to protest but Lavi mouthed the words 'just go' so I left. The door clicked shut behind me sharply. Geez what was his problem? Bookman was stretching my frayed nerves a bit too thin. I heard his muffled voice beyond the wall, he wasn't letting Lavi talk at all. Fustrated, I decided to find Allen, I still wanted to talk to him.

I know it's short but I wanted to write Lavi and Bookman's talk so I wouldn't forget. Please reiview!!!!!


	10. Dreams

OK guys, this chapter took forever and I'm terribly sorry about that. It's a bit short but thats because of the next chapter. Its also a bit dark so be warned, there is blood and violence.

Chapter X (Lavi's POV)

Gramps looked angry, if it was directed at me, I didn't know. I didn't even know if he was actually angry, I just wanted to go back to sleep. It seemed like Gramps wasn't going to let that happen very soon.

"I told you she shouldn't be in here!" Yes, he had said that, but I didn't see the problem. "You've hardly slept at all!" I wondered if this was his way of expressing worry, certainly he wasn't worried. After all, I was just a blot of ink on paper. I started to protest, but he wouldn't let me. "Just go to sleep and we'll talk when your thinking straight." I was thinking straight! Albeit slowly, but very certainly straight. I thought he wanted to talk to me? So why was he telling me to go to sleep now?!

"If you wanted to talk to me in the first place, why don't you do it now?" I had a point, I think. "I'm ready anytime you are, we can do it now if you want." I just wanted it to be over, I was sick of being sick. Gramps glared at me.

"You aren't ready yet, we'll do it tomorrow." That was quick, was he done already? Why wasn't I ready yet? Maybe he didn't want me to go through with this, I had to. Life would not be life anymore if I just clung to the time that remained. Gramps turned to leave and I laid back down. I was too tired to argue anymore, sleep would be a welcome relief. I wished Lenalee were back in the room, I was hot but getting up made me dizzy. I shrugged off my jacket and felt the familliar ache of being hot and cold at the same time.

_The creaking of floorboards alerted me of someone else's presence. I looked around, but someone, probably Gramps, had turned the light off. I wanted to go back to sleep but my mind was now fully awake and the darkness did not come. Laughter split the silence, shrill and piercing. An overwhelming sense of dread spread through my limbs. Erratic whispers wove their way into my head._

_"He's back. Can we have him this time?" The whispers belonged to a monster that I could not describe, a mass of darkness._

_"Yes, you can have him." The first voice laughed. It was as though someone turned on a light just then. The darkness receded to the corners of an all too familliar place. "Go ahead, take him." I saw myself, my other self; the monster. "Take him! Kill him! Destroy him! Erase him!" More whispers joined the chant from the shadows. I was in my exorcist uniform in the middle of forty-eight other of 'me'. The circle parted to reveal Lenalee. Horror made my blood run cold as she pointed to me and said; "Take him!". I walked toward her, didn't she know it was me? I wanted to speak to her but my voice was drowned out in the chanting of myself. Lenalee approached me, something glinting in her hand. Automatically, I reached for my innocence but it wasn't there. 'Wake up!' I told myself over and over, but conciousness was too far away. Allen appeared next to Lenalee, the ace of spades in his hand._

_"Hello, Bookman. Do you remember what this is?" Rhode's voice tore out of Allen's throat. I could feel the hatred in the air, choking me. Hands gripped my neck, tightening. "This is revenge for your carelessness." I struggled for air, my own hands clawing at the vice. Lights played across my field of vision. The dream relm spun, disorienting me and making me sick. My head hurt and I could no longer get any air into my lungs. I felt everything fading but the pain stayed. Rhode/Allen placed a clawed hand on my face as if in some reminicent evil way of comforting me. "Don't worry, it won't end soon. Lenalee has alot to show you about pain." The fake Lenalee walked up with a knife in her hand. "Take him."_

_Fresh pain burned in my arm, crimson life flowed onto the ground in puddles. I no longer had the strength to cry out, even in the face of such agony. Steel flashed on my cheek, carving a cross into my skin. I could feel the blood running down my neck and onto my shoulder. Lenalee smiled darkly and screamed a cry of joy._

_"Take him!" She drove the dagger into my shoulder right above my heart. A scream exploded from my battered throat. "Take him!" The knife wrenched down, cracking my ribs. I felt the blade bite into my heart, slowing it's fluttering. I thought she would kill me, I hoped she would kill me. Her face changed drastically, into a reflection of sorrow. "NO!" The knife was pulled free, spattering me with my own blood. "I don't love you!" Her face changed again, but it was the words that broke me. She licked her red stained fingers. "I don't love you!" She giggled. Demonic glee lit up her red eyes. I shuddered as she bent down to lick the blood off of my neck. _

_"Monster..." I could taste blood in my mouth. "Get...away..." Lenalee raised my hand to her face. I didn't want to spen my last moments like this. I could feel death over my shoulder, waiting. "Get out while you can." She hissed at me, her pretty features wrinkling. "I won't make you stay, go." Confusion turned her eyes into angry orbs. "I can't hold you any longer, go." She didn't need to hang onto me. I didn't want her to live like that. It didn't even occur to me that this wasn't really her. "I'm just glad you didn't love me after all." She screamed again and drove the blade into my chest. _

I hope you like it! R&R! I'll get the next chappie out as soon as its finished. )


	11. Lenalee gets left in the dark

Chapter Eleven yay! I didn't think this would get so long. I planned on ending it a long time ago but I decided to keep it going. I wonder how long it will get. Please R&R! )

Chapter XI (Lenalee's POV)

I found Allen in his room. Timcanpy flitted about, trying to land on his shoulder. Allen brushed aside the golem as I opened his door. Surprise flickered across Allen's features, making me sad that I couldn't do anything to make him feel better, I didn't love him.

"Hi, Allen." It was an akward start but he picked it up.

"How is Lavi?" I wanted to hear spite or jealousy in his voice but he sounded genuinely worried. "I haven't seen him lately." I wondered if that ment he hadn't seen me either.

"He was asleep when I left, Bookman wanted me to leave." I wanted to say I was sorry, to bring up what was going on between us, but I wasn't sorry. "Allen, listen." He looked at me, into my eyes. "About Lavi and I...we..." I wanted him to accept it quietly, without being harsh, he wasn't a harsh person.

"You're in love with him Lenalee. It's not something you can help." He sighed before going on. "You're lucky to have found a light in this darkness that surrounds us all. I am happy for you but I am upset. I really thought you returned my feelings." I could see that he didn't want to talk anymore, this was painful for him. His eyes were bright with unshed tears and it made me feel bad that I had done this to him. He held strong though, refusing to let himself wallow, which is more than I can say for myself. If Lavi suddenly left, like he had tried to do, I would have shut myself to the world.

"I still want to be friends if that's alright with you, I hope it's not asking too much." I was nervous that he would say 'no'. I still wanted to smile at him, and eat lunch with the boys, go on missions with the both of them, spend endless hours talking about everything and nothing. Both of them were important to me, one was the love of my life, the other a strong shoulder to lean on if things got rough.

"Lenalee, it's not asking anything of me to be your friend, we've been friends since we met. Nothing is going to change that, maybe the way it felt, but not the friendship itself." I wanted to hug him. I was so happy that he could even look at me after what I had done. "Why don't we go to Lavi's room, I've been meaning to see him." I felt him relax as I nodded and took his hand. I knew that this made him uncomfortable, but friends hold hands right?

As we strolled into the medical ward we both heard talking. Voices that were familliar but eluding. Allen immediatly walked faster. I hurried to catch up as he opened the door.

"Lavi!" The scene was horrid. Blood covered the walls and floor, smearing on my arms as I reached out to steady myself. Lavi was laying on the floor, motionless. Slashes on his arm and face bled sluggishly, while the wound on his chest poured crimson liquid. I looked helplessly at Allen. He had ripped off his shirt, trying vainly to staunch the flow of blood. "No! Don't take him away!" I could feel the persons tugging at my boy, pulling him under. I floundered for his hand, finding it cold. "You can't have him!" I saw the teeth buried in his skin, dragging him into oblivion. Allen shouted then;

"Dammit Lavi! If you truly love her then don't leave her!" I was so shocked that my sobbing stopped completely. "I couldn't bear to see her like that if you left!" What he was saying was hurting me. I didn't want Allen to see me if Lavi left. Both Allen and I were unaware of the staring audience.

"Please...don't take him away." The fangs shuddered as I begged. "I love him, you can't do this." The monsters sank back into the shadows, leaving my boy to his own fate. "Lavi! You can't do this to me! I didn't fall in love just to loose you!" I was yelling at him now, the only threat was himslef. If he let go, I didn't want to think about that. No colour returned to his face, but his breath slowly came. "Thank God..." Relief didn't come to me just yet though. Lavi was still loosing alot of blood. I stiffled a gasp as his eye flickered open.

"You're my angel, you know that?" I grabbed the hand that he held out. "I couldn't leave you even if I tried. You wouldn't let me." I shushed him, he didn't need to talk right now. Blood slid down his chin in scarlet lines. "Don't let me..." I knew what he meant, don't let him be pulled away, don't let him be lost, don't let him die.

"Hush, you know I won't." He let himself slide back into unconciousness. "I won't." No one else heard me repeat the last line. Komui and Bookman were stripping off the torn shirt and binding the wounds, trying to keep him with us. Only I could really do that, it scared me, what if I couldn't do that? Allen was wiping off my hands with a towel, his touch gentle but firm. I snapped back into the present situation, pulling away from Allen to help the others carry my boy into a different room.

Night came quickly as I sat and watched Lavi sleep. He was stuck with two different IV's, one for fluids and stuff I didn't know, the other one was full of dark blood. Lucky for him, Komui had the same blood type (a/n: seriously they do, I won't go in to rh positive and negative but they are both O). His face flickered in different emotions as if he were dreaming. I felt his hand warming up as rubbed it, but his complexion stayed ghost-like. Allen had come in frequently to watch Lavi's condition continue to be a mystery. He hadn't waken up again, but sometimes he would whisper things, talking to me I think. I couldn't help but think about what he had told me, I was his angel. It made me glad to know that he still loved me. The heat of fever hadn't left his face and he was so pale that the flush to his cheeks stood out starkly in the moonlight. I had doused the lamps for fear of waking him up. He frowned in his sleep, waking up slowly.

"Morning sleeping beauty." I couldn't help but laugh at his face. "You had me scared for awhile." That was a lie, I was still scared. "You'll be fine once you get some blood back in you." That too was a lie, I had no way of knowing if he would pull through this. I wanted him to say something, to let me believe that he was still with me. I was interrupted by a nurse who gently took out the IV that was supplying blood. It worried me that they had taken it out so soon but I guess they knew what they were doing. She left without a word, which was exactly what I would have done in her position. I jumped as Lavi's free hand found mine. It was hot to touch but he acted as though he was cold.

"Not quite Prince Charming are you?" His reply would have been funny had he not been forcing whispers out between ragged breaths.

"Hush, don't talk." I let him take my hands and place them on his face. I shuddered as I realized how high his temperature must have been. "Just get some rest." I couldn't believe that Rhode was the one who had done this to him.

"Thank you." I wondered what he was talking about. "For earlier." I had an answer but I didn't know what I had done. "I couldn't have done that without you." I still had no idea what he was talking about.

"What did I do?" I could see he was completely out of it but I wanted to know what had happened in that room. "What happened back there? Lavi?" He was murmuring softly and I had to lean down to hear.

Come now, if you review then I'll write faster. Then you will get to know what happened and what keeps happening OOOOoooooooooooooooOOOOOo.


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